7 Tips For Preventing a Relationship Breakup and Growing in a Positive Direction

A lot of people define themselves by their relationships. While this is all well and good, when the relationship is moving along smoothly, what happens when we hit a bumpy patch?
Concern over in the imminent breakup create a great deal of anxiety. It may be worth just a few minutes to go over some simple tips that may prevent a relationship from breaking up.
1. Try calming down a bit.
Rather than becoming overly worried and clingy, it might be beneficial to put a little bit of space into the relationship. This might help you get some perspective on exactly what is going wrong between the two of you. Sometimes it is really easy to lose track of our own emotions and feelings one way or worried about our partner. Spending a little bit of time apart may be helpful in defining personal boundaries.
2. Look at your part in things.
After you have taken some time to get a clear picture of what is going on in the relationship look for your part or contribution in any rough patches that might be going on during. Don't forget it takes two to tango, and you may be blaming your partner for problems of your own creation. Are your expectations realistic, or are you engaging in a little magical thinking?
3. Time for some acceptance.
It is almost an iron clad self improvement the only thing you can really change is yourself, in the present moment. It is not really possible to change another person is something you want them to be. It is like driving a square peg into a round hole, lots of damage occurs. It is okay, in fact it is your responsibility to your side of things on the table for discussion, but that does not necessarily mean that your desires will be met.
4. Look at your communication skills.
Often times when all the fog and smoke is cleared away I'll be relationships are rough patches are truly about miscommunication. One of the biggest faults in relationships is one person thinks they can read the mind of another person. He simply can't. Sometimes simply stating in an assertive, non-aggressive way what is going on clarify. The silent treatment is really a form of aggression, not problem solving.
5. Express your feelings appropriately.
A lot of people do not own or take responsibility for their own feelings instead they believe that the other person can 'make' them feel a certain way. This is simply not true. Your partner cannot make you angry, you can however become angry in response to what they are doing. You can also choose not to become angry response to what they are doing. Is your choice where you end up emotionally not theirs.
6. Don't misplace your anger.
Unfortunately it is all too common to misdirect anger, reset and, or stressed that is going on in other areas of our life unto our part. This really is not fair. Make an effort to resolve things as they occur, with the person they are occurring with. Do not save up all your frustration and vent it out on a hapless partner.
7. Make an effort to reach out.
If you take a little extra effort and extend yourself you may be handsomely rewarded. A little acknowledgment, appreciation or random act of kindness can go a long way to easing tension in the relationship. We all have the need to love and be loved and express it. Stop taking things for granted.
Relationships are never stagnant, they are in a constant state of evolution either toward the better and growing, or moving toward the worse and regressing. It is all too easy to take things for granted and not pay attention to what is going on yourself and your partner. Take some time and attention and actively working relationship on a day by day basis. People who successfully maintain long-term relationships all say that it takes work in the alley attention to detail. That may sound like a tall order but isn't your partner worth it?

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Making Relationships Work - Avoid Negative Associations

One of the most common ways that relationships end is when one partner associates the other partner with a negative emotion. I am going to explain more about this phenomenon.
For instance, let us say that you have had a horrible day. You wake up late in the morning, and you rush to work. You have to fight the traffic for an hour, and then you have an argument with a co-worker over something trivial. On your way home, the traffic is even worse in the morning, and you are in a really bad mood once you get home. So whose face is the first thing you see? Your partner!
Now when you see your partner, and you are in a terrible mood, your brain starts clicking and making associations. If you have enough bad days, and the first thing you see afterward is your significant other, there is a really good chance that you are going to associate having negative emotions with him or her.
Even if you have a great day, there is no traffic, you get a raise at work, and you come home early, when you see your partner's face, you will immediately have a mood shift, and you will start to feel bad again.
This is the dangers of associations and relationships. Always be sure that you leave your arguments on a good note with your partner, and relieve stress before seeing him or her. For instance, you can go to the gym to workout or get a good massage.

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How to End Stressful Relationships

Stress in our relationships is something that we can no longer avoid. At one time we could keep it under control, but now that it is so difficult to make ends meet and to just plain survive, the stress can become unbearable.
Since we vent our anger on whomever is closest to us, our partners mostly get the heat. And since there are more and more things every day that go wonky - computers, cars, insurance turn downs, kids, mortgages, you name it, hardly a day goes by that anger doesn't flair up. And who is there to bear the brunt of it? Our loving partner.
We sign up for health insurance and pay the premiums, and when we have a problem, they don't pay. Who wouldn't become angry; it's not fair. But if they warned you ahead of time about all the probable reasons that they would turn you down, you would never buy the policy in the first place, and they know that. So they take your premiums until you get sick, and then cut you loose. It's a win-win situation for the insurance companies, with no one to stop them.
It has been reported that when a women recently complained to CIGNA that her daughter died because they refused to treat her, even though she had full coverage, an employee of CIGNA reportedly gave her the finger, reflecting. I believe, the health insurance industry's true opinion of their clients. And no one can reign in these companies; they are beyond control.
So it is no wonder that we become angry, and these are the kinds of things that negatively affect our relationships.
Stress boils down to one thing; wanting things to go our way. We expect everything to go along swimmingly, and when they don't, when we get blindsided - we get angry because anger is our acknowledgement that we have lost control.
Wanting things and wanting to control things are natural enough desires, the problem is; since our lives have become so complicated, it is a mathematical probability that something will go wrong almost every day. So that means we will be in a constant state of anger for the rest of our lives! - unless we can find a solution.
Assuming that we don't throw up our hands and move to a deserted island in the South Pacific (which has a set of its own problems), and assuming that we are not the type that can buy into a belief system and turn everything over to this or that savior (another set of unique problems for intelligent people who want to get to the bottom of their problems, not just psychologically gloss them over), and assuming that we cannot control the outside circumstances that slap us aside the head on a daily basis, how can we reduce our stress levels? Because if we don't reduce them, they will turn into anger, which eventually turns into guilt, and finally depression.
We need a suit of armor. No matter how many arrows are shot at us, if we are wearing our suit of armor, they would bounce off. So let's get a suit of armor.
A suit of armor is not expensive, actually it costs nothing at all, just a readjustment and an awareness of the way we think. Right now, we think that if we don't control things, there will be disaster, but really, disasters don't exist as an entity in themselves. They exist only when they are connected to something that is valuable to us.
If we wreck a rental car, it's not the same as wrecking our beloved sports car - who cares, it belongs to someone else. There is nothing quite as liberating as driving a company truck, they can be abused all day without a second thought, and we never have to change the oil!
But when it comes to something that we own, something that we are attached to, well, that's a different story. First we crave something, then after we obtain it and take ownership, we become attached. Then we begin clinging to it. Now we have set ourselves up for eventual anger, guilt and depression when whatever it is that we cling to is taken away, or even threatened to be taken away. So we do all kinds of things to protect our item of passion, including marrying it (with prenuptials) or insuring it so that we are not disappointed if something happens.
Therefore, it boils down to either: not having anything, or not being attached to whatever we do have. Any other scenario insures stress.
Since we really can't get rid of what we have and what we hold dear, such as our relationships, careers, homes and vehicles, if we truly want to reduce our stress we must learn how to become unattached while continuing to live in relationship with all of these things.
How does one become unattached while continuing to take care of responsibilities and take care of relationships? It's easy. Just do everything you can, as well as you can, without worrying about the results.
Not only will this free up about 50% of the energy that you waste by worrying, but will improve your relationship because the stress factor will be reduced immensely. And it is not difficult to do. If you cannot do it by just reading this article, then you can do mental practices that will eventually enable you to become completely unattached to results while actually improving your performance in every way because of the lessening of stress and worry.
The easiest mental practice to do is to simply watch your breathing. This can be done at any time but is most effective early in the morning or just when retiring. This is not rocket science or religion - it is simply noticing you breath and then letting go of each breath as it comes and goes.
What is important is that you watch your breath, each and every breath, and not allow thoughts and worries to interfere. It's a practice. You can begin by noticing what kind of thoughts want to interfere with your noticing each and every in breath and out breath. Are they thoughts about the past - what happened today? Thoughts about the future - what you have to do tomorrow? Whatever they are, learn to let them go and just watch your breathing during the time that you are practicing.
You may find in the beginning that the past and future thoughts are so compelling that you must stop watching your breath in order to solve something - come to a conclusion and think it out. For example; plan out your day tomorrow. But in time, you will be able to let each thought go as it comes up regardless of how important it seems, and handle it after practice. Then, after practicing, you will have a little more wisdom and insight on your side to make what ever decision is necessary. This is what eventually changes stress into acceptance.
This simple exercise of allowing each breath to come and go and not attaching to it, and learning not to become attached to your past and future thoughts during practice, will in time make a change in the way you attach to other things in life.
So good luck! This really works, but you are the one that must make it work; it doesn't happen by itself.

Anagarika eddie is a meditation teacher at the Dhammabucha Rocksprings Meditation Retreat Sanctuary http://www.dhammarocksprings.org and author of A Year to Enlightenment. His 30 years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Thervada Buddhist monk.
He lived at Wat Pah Nanachat under Ajahn Chah, at Wat Pah Baan Taad under Ajahn Maha Boowa, and at Wat Pah Daan Wi Weg under Ajahn Tui.
He had been a postulant at Shasta Abbey, a Zen Buddhist monastery in northern California under Roshi Kennett; and a Theravada Buddhist anagarika at both Amaravati Monastery in the UK and Bodhinyanarama Monastery in New Zealand, both under Ajahn Sumedho.
The author has meditated with the Korean Master Sueng Sahn Sunim; with Bhante Gunaratana at the Bhavana Society in West Virginia; and with the Tibetan Master Trungpa Rinpoche in Boulder, Colorado. He has also practiced at the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, and the Zen Center in San Francisco.

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