Relationships - Are Your Boundaries Healthy Ones?

Building relationships with other people is a complex process. Over the years I have noticed that individuals fall into one of three very different categories based on the boundaries that they have developed and protected.

RIGID PROTECTION - Imagine building a strong and rigid wall around your heart and life. Some people who are afraid or very private tend to keep to themselves and not attempt or allow others to become close to them - either physically or emotionally. Deep down they may actually crave contact feel quite lonely but their behaviours interfere with this.

OPEN VULNERABILITY - Some people live their lives like a football field allowing the players and crowd to walk all over them! There are few or no boundaries and little idea of where one person ends and another begins. These relationships are sometimes referred to as "enmeshed" and can be quite annoying for individuals who prefer more privacy. Sometimes a person's needs are neglected or unmet because everyone else gets attention.

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES - Pretend you are sitting on the porch of your house. You are able to view the community by looking over the waist-high white picket fence that surrounds the yard. You are protected from animals and children who might otherwise race across the lawn but still can enjoy the scenery. The key is the fact that you have a gate with a latch on the inside. That allows you to be able to open and close the gate when you choose to do so. Good boundaries are like this. They protect you but, at the same time, allow you to choose when you will open up to the world.

It is interesting to note that sometimes people display each of these styles in different settings. You may demonstrate rigid protection in the workplace, open vulnerability in your family and healthy boundaries with friends at the same time. The important thing to remember is that you can change any situation if you choose to do so.

Psychologists can help you to develop both assertiveness skills and healthy boundaries. Then you will be able to enjoy the view and open the gate to ensure that your relationship needs are met!

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From Dr. Linda Hancock, Registered Psychologist and Registered Social Worker

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Hancock

How to Feel More Confident in Your Relationship

In some relationships, the man dominates with all his force. You might not realize it because your trapped under his control but he is using very subtle manipulation techniques that even he doesn't know he's doing. It is a natural way of life for him because it's what he learned from his father. You're going to learn how to spot these manipulations and use them to your advantage to gain more confidence in your relationship.

Notice first if he is always trying to keep you from seeing a friend that does not like him. This is part of his insecurities. He automatically assumes she is constantly talking poorly about him even though your talking about different subjects. He will not let you see her or talk with you. You have to calm his fears and make him feel like he should be more confident. Ask him why he acts like that around your friend. Most men are not willing to speak their minds or talk about their feelings but you have to open him up. If he never reveals the way he feels your situation will never improve. Although men do not offer their feelings, they still have them and they effect them even if nobody is aware.

If he keeps you from doing anything you like, such as a hobby, you need to change this. Your hobbies, crafts, and passions are what give you life. If he does not allow it you will become a boring depressed person with nothing to talk about. It is at the later stages of life when this will truly hurt you. He is keeping you from doing what you love because he wants to keep you for himself. He doesn't want you doing things he doesn't know anything about like ice skating, playing an instrument in a band or orchestra, or different endeavor.

You have to become more confident by realizing he is no more confident than you. Unfortunately, he has no reason to feel that way. You on the other hand are being negatively effected by his actions. To make changes you have to open communications. If you are afraid he's going to get angry or leave, the relationship is not strong enough to withstand the test of time. Children in this kind of relationship will not grow up in an unhealthy environment.

Finally, I want you to take the time to learn different strategies to open up communications and improve the relationship. If you are doing everything in your power to understand why he acts the way he does then you can feel confident that you are a good person.

For more tips and strategies please visit http://relationship-improvement.net

You are a good person and you deserve a relationship where the man offers you love, holds you when your upset, and takes care of you when your sick. This is the type of relationship you deserve.

A man that cares for you and loves you is all you need: Feel More Confident in Your Relationship

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=George_Christodoulou

Does He Want a Relationship? How to Know If He Wants You

Do you feel like you are really falling hard for a new guy in your life? You know that he is attracted to you, but does he want a relationship or are you just someone that he wants to have fun with? If you don't feel that asking him is the right way to find out then here is what you can do instead.

If you have decided not to just ask the guy outright then you probably know men better than you think you do. You have made the right decision, because if there is one subject that men hate to talk about it is romance. This is especially true of questions about whether or not and how much he likes a girl.

But do not despair because you can still find the answer without even having to ask him about it and potentially scare him away. Besides, you should know that actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say anything, but it is the way that a guy acts that tells you if he wants a relationship with you or not.

If the guy in question makes it a point to try to spend real quality time with you, then he probably wants a relationship. When a guy likes a girl he will do whatever he can to impress her and make her want to see him again. However, if he is always calling you last minute to hang out at his place and watch television, then he is not trying hard and not taking you seriously.

Does he want a relationship enough to agree with you when you tell him that you are not going to sleep with him early on? Guys who just want to be with a woman to get her in bed will probably take off once they find out that the girl is not going to sleep with him right off. So if you tell him that it could be months before you are ready and he seems fine with that, that is the best indication that he does want a relationship with you.

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This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones

How to Build Trust in a Relationship

Learning how to build trust in a relationship can not only be difficult but it may take a lot of time. Where one of the couple has had an affair it can take several years to re-establish trust in the relationship and marriages can survive affairs. The faulty party is going to have to apologize and then help their partner to learn to trust them again.

Trust must be built in every romantic partnership. You share a part of your life with the partner, so you need to be sure that you both share the same values, so that you can build a mutual reliance. This you can do in several ways.

Start by matching your words with your actions. When you say you will be home at a certain time, phone home if you have to change your plans.

Tell the truth all the time. Untruths only serve to destroy all types of relationships. It is the safest option even if it is not always the easiest. Your partner will be that much more trusting when they know you are telling the truth. Lies how ever small they may be, serve only to destroy trust.

When you are in a serious relationship, it is wise to avoid having secrets between the two of you. You don't get the trust of your partner if past history is unexpectedly divulged; it is much better to avoid this by telling all to your partner at an early stage.

Show your partner that you have faith in them if you expect that they are going to trust you. If you call them all the time to know what they are doing, you must not be surprised if they accuse you trying to hide your own actions.

Try to treat your relationship with realism. Even the longest relationships have their highs and their lows. If you flee at the first obstacle you encounter with your partner, you must not be surprised if they have difficulty trusting you.

Use your own intuition when you have to decide on a course of action. You have to have faith in yourself to make the right decisions before you can put your trust in another person.

Finally rely on yourself to do the right thing. You must first know yourself and trust in your ability to make the right choices before you can trust anyone else. You must know where you yourself are going before you can form a true relationship with someone else. When you have defined your own objectives in life, it is easier to trust someone else when you know that they have similar values to your own.

If you are hoping to have a long and fruitful relationship, build trust with your partner and improve your chances of success.

Joe Bisley

For further information click here http://magic-of-making-up-joebisley.blogspot.com.

Joe Bisley writes articles about human relationship problems

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joe_Bisley

Successful First Date - 12 Tips How to Accomplish That

01. Plan a short, active date in a safe, public location
Plan a simple, 2-hour date. If you and your date find things of common interest you can always extend it. Choose a dating activity that will make your communication easier, like visiting a restaurant or amusement park, going for a walk, playing pool or bowling. Doing something active and fun together will lead to a better date.

02. Choose the right outfit
Wear clothes that are appropriate to the meeting, you have planned. Also, it's a good idea to agree on the dress code with your dating partner. Be clean, smell nice. Don't let your outfit and hygiene ruin your dating plans.

03. Be on time
If you are late, this will make the person you are meeting think you don't care and it will leave a bad first impression. Even five minutes of lateness is unacceptable on the first date.

04. Do not bring friends
Taking friends to your date will make you look immature and insecure. You are an adult person so it is not necessary to bring someone to keep you. If you are concerned about safety, meet your date in a public place.

05. Give a compliment, but don't overdo it
A few nice words will put your dating partner at ease and get him or her to relax. People love to hear how wonderful they are. However, overdoing it might them think you are insincere or make them feel uncomfortable.

06. Balance talking and listening
Give your date a chance to talk. There is nothing worse then a person that talks about self all the time. Take time to hear what the person you are with is saying. Every good communication is based on listening.

07. Make an eye contact when talking
Eye contact is an important nonverbal form of communication and helps in connecting with other people, so use it on your first date. It tells your dating partner you are interested.

08. Keep the conversation alive
The worst thing you can do is to stay silent. Too much time spent in silence during a date is a real torture and your dating partner will be bored. Date should be fun. So, ask them questions, tell them a funny adventure you had, talk about things of your common interest.

09. Do not talk about past relationships
Don't talk about your ex, it's a huge turn-off. Actually, don't mention anyone of the opposite sex. Concentrate on the person you are with, and see if you can get to the second date.

10. Do not check out other people
Never look at other people when you are on a date. It makes the same effect as talking about your past relationships, but much worse. Especially when a guy checking out other girls.

11. Be yourself
Don't pretend to be someone you are not. If you plan to continue seeing this person, the real you will come out eventually. Find someone who wants you for you, not for who you are pretending to be.

12. Remember, it's just a date!
Remember that the date should be fun. It's ok to get excited when you go out with someone new, but stay realistic. If your expectations are too high, you could be disappointed at the end. First date is all about the possibility, not pressure.

Dating Web Cafe: http://www.datingwebcafe.com/ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dominik_Racan

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